Infidelity UNCOVERED by Luke Shillings

Religion often has a lot to say about infidelity: forgive, stay, move on. But what if these teachings complicate, rather than heal, the emotional devastation of betrayal? In this episode, I explore the intersection of faith and infidelity, unpacking the pressures placed on both the betrayed and the unfaithful partner. Whether you’re navigating the expectations of your faith or questioning the role of religion in your recovery, this episode is for you. It’s not about judgment;

"Staying for the kids" is a phrase loaded with expectation and sacrifice. But is staying in a relationship after betrayal truly the noble choice? Or could it be teaching your children lessons about love, self-worth, and authenticity that you never intended? This episode is a must-listen for any parent navigating infidelity and wondering how to make the right decision for their family’s future. Join me as I unpack the complexities of parenting after betrayal and how to model r

Discovering your partner’s secret relationship with pornography can feel like a punch to the gut. You're left questioning everything: Am I not enough? Is this cheating?  The lines blur quickly between private habit and emotional betrayal. If you’ve ever felt the sting of discovering a hidden porn addiction or wondered if you're overreacting, this episode is for you. In this honest and revealing conversation, I’m joined by Matt Smith, a porn addiction coach who shares his pers

Emotional affairs might not leave physical evidence, but their impact can be just as devastating as physical infidelity. In this episode of After the Affair , I dive deep into the hidden world of emotional affairs, the betrayals that happen through private messages, late-night conversations, and intimate connections that cross the boundaries of committed relationships. Whether you’ve experienced emotional infidelity, are trying to understand its complexities, or want to rebui

In this episode of After the Affair , we’re exploring a question that many men find themselves asking but few know how to answer: What does it mean to be a man today? As gender roles evolve and the traditional definitions of success and purpose shift, men are left to find new ways to build identity, self-worth, and connection. For some, these uncertainties can lead to choices like infidelity, decisions often rooted in a lack of fulfilment, identity confusion, or the need for

In the final part of our mini-series, we talk about something that many people don’t expect: how the imbalances created by infidelity can linger long after the relationship ends. Whether it’s guilt, shame, anger, or resentment, the emotional aftermath of infidelity doesn’t always disappear when the papers are signed and the relationship is officially over. We’ll explore how the ‘ghost’ of the broken relationship continues to show up in your life, influencing how you see yours

In the second part of our mini-series on imbalance after infidelity, we explore what happens when the unfaithful partner is doing everything ‘right’, apologising, attending therapy, being transparent, yet it still feels like nothing is changing. Why, despite their best efforts, does the relationship remain stuck? We’ll look at the emotional wall the betrayed partner builds, why it’s so hard to move forward even when the unfaithful partner's efforts are visible, and how to nav

In this episode of After the Affair , we dive into a frustrating dynamic that many betrayed partners face after infidelity: the unfair expectation that they should be the ones to fix the relationship. You didn’t break it, so why is it your job to pick up the pieces? We’ll explore the imbalance that happens when the betrayed partner is left carrying the emotional weight, expected to forgive and move forward, while the unfaithful partner seems off the hook. This episode is the

In this episode of After the Affair , I explore how relationships, like technology, need regular updates to stay in sync. Just like your phone’s apps and software need upgrades to keep functioning smoothly, relationships also require personal growth and communication to thrive over time. If you and your partner aren’t growing together, you risk falling out of sync, feeling disconnected, and losing that emotional intimacy. I discuss why relationships tend to slow down or feel

In this episode of After the Affair , I take a deep dive into the topic of relationship statistics and why they don’t define you. While statistics can provide context, they don’t account for the unique dynamics, growth, and emotional complexities of each individual relationship. I explore the dangers of letting numbers dictate your relationship's fate and share two real-life examples, one of a person who defied the odds and rebuilt trust after infidelity, and another who, des

In this episode of After the Affair , I tackle a frustration many men experience but rarely talk about: the feeling that no matter what they do, they just can't "win" in relationships. Why do so many men feel like they’re failing with their partner? And why is this something that women need to understand, too? Whether you're a man who feels like you're constantly failing in your relationship or a woman wanting to understand what’s going on behind the scenes, this episode is f

In this powerful episode of After the Affair , I delve into a deeply nuanced and often overlooked aspect of infidelity: same-sex affairs within long-term marriages. Inspired by a listener’s courageous story, I explore the unique layers of shock, pain, and confusion that arise when a spouse’s betrayal involves a partner of the same sex. Whether you’re personally experiencing this kind of betrayal or seeking to understand it better, this episode offers insights and compassion f

In today’s episode, 'Don't Heal - The Inverse Approach After Infidelity,' I'm flipping the traditional approach to healing on its head. Instead of the typical steps to "heal" after betrayal, we're diving into something radical: the Inverse Approach. What if instead of chasing closure, security, and control, we did the opposite? What if we didn’t aim to heal in the conventional sense, but instead, embraced the uncertainty, pain, and unpredictability that come with betrayal?

In this episode of After the Affair , 'Why I Love Breaking the Rules of Infidelity: Societal Expectations Debunked,' I take a deep dive into the societal expectations surrounding infidelity and why many of them are not just wrong but harmful. I list the top 34 most common Societal Expectation Statements and challenge each and every one! We often think of infidelity in black-and-white terms, assigning blame and passing judgement based on outdated norms and rigid stereotypes. B

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' I delve into the concept of "doing the work" in the aftermath of infidelity, particularly in the context of the self-help world. Often, we think of self-help as something we turn to only when something in our lives has gone wrong, a reactive measure rather than a proactive one. But the bigger question is, what does 'doing the work' even mean? I discuss the importance of committing to self-improvement, not just in times of crisis but as a

In this episode, titled "Afraid to Be Seen? The Hard Truth About Validation and Betrayal," I tackle the uncomfortable truths that many of us face in the wake of infidelity and betrayal. I dive deep into the insecurities that often lie beneath the surface, those parts of us that crave external validation, fear rejection, and struggle with identity. I explore how early experiences shape our self-worth, how our identities become tied to how others perceive us, and what happens w

In this milestone episode, titled "The Anniversaries We Hate: Redefining Time and Memory," I take a deep dive into the emotional significance of anniversaries, those dates on the calendar that can bring both joy and dread. From birthdays and weddings to D-days and divorces, anniversaries often carry a heavy emotional weight. In this episode, I explore why we associate such strong feelings with these dates, how they can control our emotions, and what it means to redefine these

In this episode, titled "The Want Match: Aligning Desires After Betrayal," I explore the concept of the "Want Match," which focuses on aligning the desires and needs of both partners in a relationship. This episode delves into how recognising and understanding these wants can create a more balanced and fulfilling partnership. I share practical steps to identify, communicate, and navigate these desires, along with relatable examples to illustrate the concept. Key Takeaways: Un

In this episode, titled "Trickle Truth: The Pain of Gradual Disclosure in Infidelity," I explore the challenging and often painful experience of trickle truth after infidelity, also known as "drip feeding" the truth or "gradual disclosure." This episode delves into why trickle truth happens, its impact on both the betrayed and unfaithful partners, and the emotional complexities involved. I share listener stories and provide compassionate insights into the struggles faced by b

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with me, your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Time to Choose: Infidelity and the Truth We Face," we discuss the impact that facing a finite timeline can have on our decisions and relationships, particularly in the context of infidelity. What happens when we're confronted with the reality of limited time? How do our priorities shift, and what truths come to light? Join me as I explore how the awareness of mortalit