Infidelity UNCOVERED by Luke Shillings

When you're already shattered by betrayal, hearing your partner suggest an open relationship can feel like another blow. In this episode of After the Affair , I dive deep into the emotional chaos that unfolds when non-monogamy is introduced after  infidelity. Is it a genuine part of self-discovery, or is it a strategy to avoid accountability? I explore the increasingly common pattern of post-affair “reframing,” where cheating is spun into an enlightened desire for non-monogam

The pain after betrayal can feel all-consuming, like you’re trapped in a never-ending spiral of questions, what-ifs, and overwhelming emotions. But what if the real weight you’re carrying isn’t just the pain itself… but the meaning  you’ve attached to it? In this episode of After the Affair , I’ll guide you through one of the most transformational shifts in healing: the difference between discomfort and suffering. You’ll learn how to stop feeding the mental loops that keep yo

After infidelity, therapy often becomes the first refuge, a safe space to feel heard, understood, and grounded. But what happens when you’ve done the work, gained the insight… and still feel stuck? You can explain the pain, the patterns, the why, but the how of moving forward remains just out of reach. In this episode of After the Affair , I explore why therapy might not be “enough” when it comes to true healing. I unpack the vital difference between understanding and transfo

When someone you love chooses someone else, it can feel like your world crumbles. The questions swirl: What did they have that I didn’t? Was I not enough?  That kind of rejection hits something deep. It shakes your sense of identity, leaving you measuring your worth through someone else’s choices. In this episode of After the Affair , I explore the hidden cost of needing to be chosen and how betrayal distorts your view of yourself. If you’ve found yourself comparing, question

Ever feel like you and your partner are living in completely different realities since the betrayal? Like one of you is ready to move forward , while the other is still stuck in the past? That disconnect isn’t just frustrating; it’s confusing, painful, and lonely. But it’s also incredibly common. It’s what I call “the lag”. In this episode of After the Affair , I dive deep into why betrayed and unfaithful partners often feel out of sync after betrayal and during infidelity r

When your world has been shattered by betrayal, making decisions can feel impossible. One moment you're ready to fight for your relationship, and the next you're desperate to run. You're stuck in a loop of overthinking, second-guessing, and fearing you'll make the wrong choice. If you're hovering between hope and fear, you’re not alone. In this episode of After the Affair , I speak directly to the paralysis of not knowing what to do next. Whether you're overwhelmed by indecis

What happens when the place that pays the bills becomes the place that breaks your heart? Discovering that your partner’s affair started at work adds a unique layer of pain, because it’s not just betrayal, it’s betrayal in plain sight, repeated daily, and impossible to escape. You’re not just dealing with the past; you’re living in the aftermath, while they still walk through the same doors, face the same person, and leave you wondering how healing is even possible. In this e

When your heart has been broken by betrayal, you’re desperate for clarity, comfort, and some kind of direction. In the silence of 2 a.m., AI feels like a safe space, non-judgmental, always available, and ready to reflect your pain back to you with empathy-like words. But is that kind of safety real? Or is it just another way of managing emotions instead of healing them? In this episode, I explore the promise and pitfalls of turning to AI for support after infidelity. From emo

When you've been betrayed, the world no longer feels safe. Your body is on high alert, your mind races, and even moments of calm feel suspicious. People tell you to “find safety within yourself,” but when everything inside is screaming, it’s hard to know where to begin. You might wonder: Am I healing, or just learning to tolerate pain? In this episode, I unpack the two sides of safety after infidelity: internal and relational. I explain how real healing doesn’t mean abandoni

When you've been betrayed, it's easy to find yourself trapped in a painful loop: conflict, disconnect, apology, hope, only to repeat it all over again. One moment you're questioning everything, the next you're clinging to the possibility that things might finally be different. But if you're honest, deep down you know: something isn’t shifting. The cycle is exhausting, disorientating, and yet so familiar it feels almost impossible to break. In this episode, I break down the em

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the marriage doesn’t survive infidelity. If you’re standing in the aftermath, grieving the loss of your relationship and facing a life you never planned, this episode is for you. You’re not alone, and you’re not broken. This part of your story is painful, yes, but it’s not the end. In this powerful episode, I speak directly to those navigating separation after infidelity. I share insights into emotional detachment, identity loss, and how

After infidelity, emotions often feel like a storm: grief, anger, hope, and confusion, all swirling at once. But what if those emotions weren’t “good” or “bad”? What if they were simply messages, guiding you through the complexity of betrayal recovery? In this episode, I explore how to rethink your feelings after infidelity and move beyond the trap of black-and-white thinking. I unpack how our beliefs, past experiences, and subconscious judgments shape the way we feel, and ho

In the chaos of betrayal, sometimes what we need most is to go back to basics. If you’re feeling lost, emotionally overwhelmed, or unsure what step to take next, this episode is for you. I open up about my own post-affair journey, offering a heartfelt look at what it really  takes to go back to basics after the affair. You’ll hear how grief, false hope, and self-doubt all played a part in my early days after betrayal, and the surprising mindset shifts that helped me move from

After betrayal, the deepest wounds often aren’t from the affair itself, but from what follows. Maybe you’ve found yourself thinking, “I can never look at them the same way again,” or “Why can’t they just get over it?” These aren’t just fleeting thoughts. They might be signs of something more corrosive: contempt. And if left unaddressed, contempt quietly destroys any hope of true connection. In this episode of After the Affair , I, Luke Shillings, explore how contempt shows

You can survive infidelity, but can your relationship survive a lack of accountability? If you’re the one left picking up the pieces while your partner avoids responsibility, you’re not alone. It’s a painful imbalance: one person doing all the work, while the other resists the mirror. Without accountability, betrayal doesn’t just leave a scar; it keeps reopening the wound. In this powerful episode, I unpack what true accountability looks like after infidelity, why so many unf

Discovering a partner's affair is shattering, but what happens when it’s not the first time? When betrayal is a pattern, not a one-off mistake, the pain goes deeper. If you've uncovered repeated lies, multiple affairs, or a history of emotional detachment, you're not just questioning what happened; you're questioning everything. In this episode, I explore the reality of serial cheating with honesty and compassion. Whether you’re a betrayed partner wondering if change is possi

When you’re navigating betrayal, some questions feel too heavy to ask out loud, but they never stop whispering in your mind. “Why do I feel ashamed when I’ve done nothing wrong?” “Why does forgiveness feel like betrayal?” If these thoughts have ever circled in your heart, you're not alone. In this deeply validating episode about the questions you are afraid to ask, I, Luke Shillings, answer the questions that often go unspoken but urgently need to be heard. From parenting thr

After betrayal, even the smallest thing (a song, a smell, a glance) can send your nervous system into overdrive. Triggers feel like invisible landmines, pulling you back into moments you never chose to relive. If you're exhausted by how reactive you've become, or if everything feels like a warning sign, this episode is for you. In this special 150th episode, I break down what it really means to be triggered after infidelity. I share how to recognise and respond to these momen

When the woman cheats, the story changes, but the pain is no less real. As a man betrayed, you might feel silenced, sidelined, or even ashamed to admit what’s happened. There’s no cultural script for your heartbreak, no handbook for how to navigate the confusion, self-doubt, and quiet devastation that follows. But you are not alone, and you are not broken. In this episode, I speak directly to the man left in the rubble. With honesty and compassion, I explore the emotional rea

When a married man shows you attention, it can feel powerful, like you're finally being seen, chosen, and cherished. But beneath that spark, there's often a quieter truth: you’re being pulled into a story that was never fully yours. It’s flattering, even intoxicating, to be “the one” who makes him feel alive again… but at what cost? In this episode, I speak directly to the woman who’s fallen for an unfaithful married man still tied to another life, and to the man who’s offeri