Infidelity UNCOVERED by Luke Shillings

When your world’s been shaken by betrayal, it’s natural to want answers: more insight, more understanding, more effort. But what if healing doesn’t come from adding more, but from doing less? If your mind feels overcrowded, your emotions on edge, and you're trying to fix everything at once, this episode is for you. In this conversation, I explore the overlooked art of essentialism in betrayal recovery, why stripping things back, not stacking them up, is the real path to peace

After betrayal, life can feel like it's been turned upside down. Suddenly, you’re questioning everything: your relationship, your choices, and even your sense of self. Fear quietly seeps into the cracks left by infidelity, showing up not as panic, but as the subtle pressure to make sense of the chaos, to feel in control again. In this episode of After the Affair , I unpack how fear can disguise itself as logic, urgency, or productivity, steering your decisions when you need g

What do you do when your partner says they want to rebuild the marriage, but they're still having feelings for the affair partner? When you're trying to move forward, but you're constantly reminded that you're not the centre of their emotional world? In this episode, I respond to a deeply vulnerable message from a listener navigating this exact scenario. Her husband is in therapy, doing the work, and says he wants to stay, yet he still carries feelings for the woman he had an

After betrayal, it's natural to build emotional walls. You’ve learned how to survive the heartbreak, and maybe even found a sense of calm again. But here’s the quiet question that creeps in: are you healing, or just protecting yourself? In this episode, I explore the subtle difference between genuine healing and hidden defences, like emotional detachment, self-abandonment, and the quiet disconnection that can disguise itself as progress. You’ll learn to recognise the masks we

As the year draws to a close, many of us find ourselves reflecting on what’s been, especially when betrayal has left a deep scar. It's easy for that reflection to turn into self-attack, with the mind whispering "if only" on repeat. If you’re wondering whether you were the cause or blaming yourself for not seeing it sooner, the " The 3 Ingredients Behind Most Betrayals " episode is for you. In this end-of-year episode, I offer a grounded, compassionate framework for understand

Christmas Day can stir up a complicated mix of emotions, especially after betrayal. In this short bonus episode, I offer a compassionate reminder to those spending the day feeling raw, reflective, or responsible for someone else’s choices. If you’ve caught yourself thinking, “If only I’d been more…” , you are not alone. This gentle message speaks directly to that hidden self-blame so many betrayed partners carry. I break down the illusion of responsibility and offer permissio

If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake replaying the same question on a loop ( “Why did they cheat?”),  this episode is for you. Especially at quieter times like Christmas, when distractions fade, and the mind goes searching for answers, that question can feel relentless and exhausting. In this episode, I challenge the assumption that understanding why  betrayal happened will finally bring peace. Instead, I offer a reframing that removes you from self-blame, calms the nerv

When you've been betrayed, even the simplest decisions can feel paralysing. Stay or leave? Confront or retreat? Trust again, or never open your heart that way again? If you're stuck in a whirlwind of indecision, you're not alone, and you're not broken. In this episode, I break down why clarity feels so elusive after infidelity. I explain the three real ways decisions are made, and why logic isn’t one of them. This conversation will change how you see your choices and help you

When betrayal hits, everything can feel like it’s falling apart: your trust, your sleep, your sense of self. In the thick of it, just getting through the day without breaking down feels like a win. If you're replaying memories on loop, second-guessing every decision, and wondering if you'll ever feel normal again, this episode is for you. In this episode, I lift the curtain on what’s truly possible after infidelity, not just in your relationship, but within yourself. This isn

When you're already shattered by betrayal, hearing your partner suggest an open relationship can feel like another blow. In this episode of After the Affair , I dive deep into the emotional chaos that unfolds when non-monogamy is introduced after  infidelity. Is it a genuine part of self-discovery, or is it a strategy to avoid accountability? I explore the increasingly common pattern of post-affair “reframing,” where cheating is spun into an enlightened desire for non-monogam

The pain after betrayal can feel all-consuming, like you’re trapped in a never-ending spiral of questions, what-ifs, and overwhelming emotions. But what if the real weight you’re carrying isn’t just the pain itself… but the meaning  you’ve attached to it? In this episode of After the Affair , I’ll guide you through one of the most transformational shifts in healing: the difference between discomfort and suffering. You’ll learn how to stop feeding the mental loops that keep yo

After infidelity, therapy often becomes the first refuge, a safe space to feel heard, understood, and grounded. But what happens when you’ve done the work, gained the insight… and still feel stuck? You can explain the pain, the patterns, the why, but the how of moving forward remains just out of reach. In this episode of After the Affair , I explore why therapy might not be “enough” when it comes to true healing. I unpack the vital difference between understanding and transfo

When someone you love chooses someone else, it can feel like your world crumbles. The questions swirl: What did they have that I didn’t? Was I not enough?  That kind of rejection hits something deep. It shakes your sense of identity, leaving you measuring your worth through someone else’s choices. In this episode of After the Affair , I explore the hidden cost of needing to be chosen and how betrayal distorts your view of yourself. If you’ve found yourself comparing, question

Ever feel like you and your partner are living in completely different realities since the betrayal? Like one of you is ready to move forward , while the other is still stuck in the past? That disconnect isn’t just frustrating; it’s confusing, painful, and lonely. But it’s also incredibly common. It’s what I call “the lag”. In this episode of After the Affair , I dive deep into why betrayed and unfaithful partners often feel out of sync after betrayal and during infidelity r

When your world has been shattered by betrayal, making decisions can feel impossible. One moment you're ready to fight for your relationship, and the next you're desperate to run. You're stuck in a loop of overthinking, second-guessing, and fearing you'll make the wrong choice. If you're hovering between hope and fear, you’re not alone. In this episode of After the Affair , I speak directly to the paralysis of not knowing what to do next. Whether you're overwhelmed by indecis

What happens when the place that pays the bills becomes the place that breaks your heart? Discovering that your partner’s affair started at work adds a unique layer of pain, because it’s not just betrayal, it’s betrayal in plain sight, repeated daily, and impossible to escape. You’re not just dealing with the past; you’re living in the aftermath, while they still walk through the same doors, face the same person, and leave you wondering how healing is even possible. In this e

When your heart has been broken by betrayal, you’re desperate for clarity, comfort, and some kind of direction. In the silence of 2 a.m., AI feels like a safe space, non-judgmental, always available, and ready to reflect your pain back to you with empathy-like words. But is that kind of safety real? Or is it just another way of managing emotions instead of healing them? In this episode, I explore the promise and pitfalls of turning to AI for support after infidelity. From emo

When you've been betrayed, the world no longer feels safe. Your body is on high alert, your mind races, and even moments of calm feel suspicious. People tell you to “find safety within yourself,” but when everything inside is screaming, it’s hard to know where to begin. You might wonder: Am I healing, or just learning to tolerate pain? In this episode, I unpack the two sides of safety after infidelity: internal and relational. I explain how real healing doesn’t mean abandoni

When you've been betrayed, it's easy to find yourself trapped in a painful loop: conflict, disconnect, apology, hope, only to repeat it all over again. One moment you're questioning everything, the next you're clinging to the possibility that things might finally be different. But if you're honest, deep down you know: something isn’t shifting. The cycle is exhausting, disorientating, and yet so familiar it feels almost impossible to break. In this episode, I break down the em

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the marriage doesn’t survive infidelity. If you’re standing in the aftermath, grieving the loss of your relationship and facing a life you never planned, this episode is for you. You’re not alone, and you’re not broken. This part of your story is painful, yes, but it’s not the end. In this powerful episode, I speak directly to those navigating separation after infidelity. I share insights into emotional detachment, identity loss, and how