Infidelity UNCOVERED by Luke Shillings

After infidelity, emotions often feel like a storm: grief, anger, hope, and confusion, all swirling at once. But what if those emotions weren’t “good” or “bad”? What if they were simply messages, guiding you through the complexity of betrayal recovery? In this episode, I explore how to rethink your feelings after infidelity and move beyond the trap of black-and-white thinking. I unpack how our beliefs, past experiences, and subconscious judgments shape the way we feel, and ho

In the chaos of betrayal, sometimes what we need most is to go back to basics. If you’re feeling lost, emotionally overwhelmed, or unsure what step to take next, this episode is for you. I open up about my own post-affair journey, offering a heartfelt look at what it really  takes to go back to basics after the affair. You’ll hear how grief, false hope, and self-doubt all played a part in my early days after betrayal, and the surprising mindset shifts that helped me move from

After betrayal, the deepest wounds often aren’t from the affair itself, but from what follows. Maybe you’ve found yourself thinking, “I can never look at them the same way again,” or “Why can’t they just get over it?” These aren’t just fleeting thoughts. They might be signs of something more corrosive: contempt. And if left unaddressed, contempt quietly destroys any hope of true connection. In this episode of After the Affair , I, Luke Shillings, explore how contempt shows

You can survive infidelity, but can your relationship survive a lack of accountability? If you’re the one left picking up the pieces while your partner avoids responsibility, you’re not alone. It’s a painful imbalance: one person doing all the work, while the other resists the mirror. Without accountability, betrayal doesn’t just leave a scar; it keeps reopening the wound. In this powerful episode, I unpack what true accountability looks like after infidelity, why so many unf

Discovering a partner's affair is shattering, but what happens when it’s not the first time? When betrayal is a pattern, not a one-off mistake, the pain goes deeper. If you've uncovered repeated lies, multiple affairs, or a history of emotional detachment, you're not just questioning what happened; you're questioning everything. In this episode, I explore the reality of serial cheating with honesty and compassion. Whether you’re a betrayed partner wondering if change is possi

When you’re navigating betrayal, some questions feel too heavy to ask out loud, but they never stop whispering in your mind. “Why do I feel ashamed when I’ve done nothing wrong?” “Why does forgiveness feel like betrayal?” If these thoughts have ever circled in your heart, you're not alone. In this deeply validating episode about the questions you are afraid to ask, I, Luke Shillings, answer the questions that often go unspoken but urgently need to be heard. From parenting thr

After betrayal, even the smallest thing (a song, a smell, a glance) can send your nervous system into overdrive. Triggers feel like invisible landmines, pulling you back into moments you never chose to relive. If you're exhausted by how reactive you've become, or if everything feels like a warning sign, this episode is for you. In this special 150th episode, I break down what it really means to be triggered after infidelity. I share how to recognise and respond to these momen

When the woman cheats, the story changes, but the pain is no less real. As a man betrayed, you might feel silenced, sidelined, or even ashamed to admit what’s happened. There’s no cultural script for your heartbreak, no handbook for how to navigate the confusion, self-doubt, and quiet devastation that follows. But you are not alone, and you are not broken. In this episode, I speak directly to the man left in the rubble. With honesty and compassion, I explore the emotional rea

When a married man shows you attention, it can feel powerful, like you're finally being seen, chosen, and cherished. But beneath that spark, there's often a quieter truth: you’re being pulled into a story that was never fully yours. It’s flattering, even intoxicating, to be “the one” who makes him feel alive again… but at what cost? In this episode, I speak directly to the woman who’s fallen for an unfaithful married man still tied to another life, and to the man who’s offeri

Have you ever looked around and thought, “Everything looks fine, but something still feels wrong”? You’re not alone. After betrayal, it’s normal to feel like you’ve lost touch with your own instincts. Even when things seem calm on the surface, your body might still be scanning for danger, waiting for the next blow. That quiet discomfort? It’s not a flaw; it’s a signal worth listening to. In this episode, I explore what it really means when things feel off , even when you can

When you've been betrayed, it's not just the relationship that breaks; it’s your sense of reality, trust, and self-worth. In those quiet, lonely moments, questions begin to circle in your mind: Why do I still feel stuck? Can I ever trust again? Will I ever feel safe?  If you've ever wondered if you're the only one struggling with these thoughts, this episode is here to assure you that you’re not alone. In this special Q&A edition, I, Luke Shillings, affair recovery expert, an

Y ou’re texting first. Waiting for replies. Making excuses. Holding on, hoping they’ll come around. But deep down, something feels off. This isn’t just patience… it’s one-sided love . In this episode, I unpack the emotional and psychological toll of loving someone who doesn’t meet you halfway. From fantasy bonds and false hope to reclaiming your power and choosing yourself again, this is your compassionate wake-up call, and your invitation to let go with grace. Key Takeaways:

After betrayal, it’s easy to feel like you’re stuck reacting, trying to manage your partner’s behaviour, walking on eggshells, or questioning your own emotional limits. But here’s the truth: You don’t need their permission to protect your peace. In this episode, I unpack what real boundaries look like in the aftermath of infidelity, not as walls or punishments, but as powerful acts of self-respect. Whether you’re in the thick of rebuilding or figuring out what you want next,

After betrayal, it’s easy to believe that your best days are behind you. That the pain you’re in now will always be part of you. But what if this isn’t the end of your story? What if it’s the beginning of something deeper, truer, and more aligned with who you really are? In this uplifting episode, I share the often untold truth about healing from infidelity: that it doesn’t just break you, it can build you. From rock bottom, we talk about what it means to rise strong. You’ll

Disgust isn’t just a passing reaction. For many betrayed partners, it’s a visceral, body-based response that no amount of logic or reassurance can dissolve. In this episode, I unpack one of the most misunderstood trauma responses after infidelity: disgust. Why it shows up. What it’s really saying. And how to respond to it without shame . This is for anyone who’s ever recoiled at the sight or touch of the person they used to love, and then judged themselves for it. Key Takeawa

Understanding why someone betrayed you can be helpful. It can explain what happened. It can offer context. It can even soften the sting, temporarily. But it doesn’t erase the pain. In this episode, I unpack the emotional tug-of-war between empathy and accountability after infidelity. I explore how understanding your partner’s internal struggles, their fears, avoidance, or disconnection doesn’t mean you're condoning their choices. It simply means you're starting to see the f

Betrayal leaves behind more than heartbreak; it leaves questions that echo in your mind day and night. “Was it real?” “Did I miss the signs?” “Is this my fault?” “Will I ever trust again?” In this episode, I, Luke Shillings, walk you through the most common thoughts and questions that come up in the aftermath of infidelity, based on real conversations from hundreds of discovery calls and coaching sessions. Whether you're feeling stuck in self-doubt, unsure what to believe, o

Have you ever been told you're too emotional, or secretly believed it yourself? If conflict overwhelms you, if you shut down or spiral in arguments, if you find yourself apologising just for feeling… this episode is for you. I explore why emotional reactivity is often a learned survival strategy , rooted in fear, not dysfunction. From childhood patterns to nervous system responses, you'll gain insight into why certain emotions feel unbearable and how to build the capacity to

You know your partner’s betrayal wasn’t your fault. You understand the logic. But still, deep down, you’re stuck. Still needing reassurance after betrayal. Still bracing for the next emotional shift. Still terrified of being too much, or not enough. Why? Because some of what you’re feeling didn’t start with them . In this episode, I explore how emotional survival strategies from childhood shape the way we respond to betrayal, uncertainty, and intimacy as adults. If you’ve bee

When you suspect infidelity but don’t have the proof, it can feel like you’re living in emotional limbo, caught between your gut and your guilt. In this episode, I unpack the messy, painful, and very human experience of wondering whether something’s going on behind your back. You’ll learn how to stop spiralling and start grounding, why your feelings are valid even without confirmation, and how to begin reclaiming trust in yourself, no matter what happens next. If you’re froz