Infidelity UNCOVERED by Luke Shillings

When betrayal shatters your world, knowing where to start can feel overwhelming. In this episode, I break down a simple yet powerful framework to help you regain clarity, direction, and strength: The ABCs of Infidelity Recovery: Acceptance, Boundaries, Compassion. These three pillars aren’t just concepts. They’re tools. Tools to help you stay grounded when your emotions spiral. Tools to help you protect yourself, reconnect with your truth, and create healing on your own terms

You were the one who was lied to. The one who was betrayed. And yet somehow… you’re the one walking on eggshells . Afraid to say too much. Afraid to bring it up again. Afraid of looking paranoid, insecure, or like you're the problem. If you’ve ever told yourself, “I can’t say anything,” this episode is for you. In today’s conversation, I explore the hidden fear many betrayed partners carry, the fear of speaking their truth. Whether you’re still in the relationship or not, if

There are moments when it all feels like too much, when the pain of betrayal, the weight of healing, or the sheer exhaustion of trying to hold it together leaves you questioning your strength. In those moments, the most important decision you can make is not to fight harder, or fix everything, or know exactly what to do. The most important decision is to not abandon yourself. In this episode, I offer a deeply grounded reminder: You don’t have to be fully healed to keep going.

After betrayal, it’s natural to want answers. Will they cheat again? Will we make it through this? Will I ever feel okay again? We fixate on the outcome, hoping that if we could just know where this ends, we’d finally be able to breathe. But in this episode, I explore a powerful truth: Clarity doesn’t come from predicting the future; it comes from how you show up in the present. Letting go of the outcome isn’t about giving up, but about reclaiming your peace, your power, and

After betrayal, many people feel like they’re walking around under a spotlight, like everyone is watching, whispering, judging. But here’s the truth: it’s not always their judgement that holds you back, it’s your perception of it. In this episode, I unpack how imagined judgement can shape your behaviour, limit your authenticity, and keep you stuck in cycles of shame and silence. More importantly, I reveal how to reclaim your voice and your freedom by learning to question the

We’re wired to crave certainty. Especially after betrayal, when everything familiar suddenly feels fragile, we reach for something solid, answers, guarantees, anything that promises safety. But here’s the truth: You don’t need certainty to heal. You need self-trust. In this episode, I explore how your relationship with uncertainty is the very foundation of growth, clarity, and transformation. Because while control might feel comforting, real peace comes from knowing you can h

We all say we don’t want to waste time, yet most of us do, especially after infidelity. We get stuck in waiting: waiting for clarity, waiting for healing, waiting for someone else to change. But here’s the truth: time is the only resource you can’t get back. Imagine if every morning, you were given £1,440 to spend, but by midnight, anything left unused disappeared forever. Would you waste it? Would you ignore it? Would you give it away carelessly? That’s exactly how time work

After infidelity, it’s easy to feel like you have to do something, have to leave, have to stay and fix things, have to forgive to move on. Society, family, and even your own mind push you to believe there’s a “right” decision you must make. But here’s the truth: You don’t have to do anything. You only have to choose after infidelity what you really want to do. In this episode, I break down the illusion of obligation, why so many people feel trapped in expectations about

After infidelity, it’s almost impossible not to compare yourself to the affair partner. Were they more attractive? More exciting? Did they have something you didn’t? The mind starts ranking you against them, like a game of Top Trumps, where someone’s ‘stats’ must be higher. But here’s the truth about comparison: this mindset is a trap. In this episode, join me, Luke Shillings, as I break down why we compare ourselves to the affair partner, why it makes us feel worse, and how

Desire can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re caught up in an affair or emotional connection outside your primary relationship. It can seem like the attraction is uncontrollable, like you have no say in what you feel. But what if I told you that while desire may not be a choice, what you do with it always is ? In this episode, we’re diving deep into the relationship between desire and choice. Whether you're struggling with an affair or facing unrequited love, this epis

Betrayal isn’t just about broken trust; it’s about identity. For many men, their sense of self is built on strength, control, and loyalty. But when infidelity happens, it doesn’t just hurt; it threatens everything they thought they knew about themselves. In this episode, I explore the ego’s role in betrayal recovery, why the pain runs so deep, and how to shift from ego-driven reactions (anger, control, blame) to true healing. If you’ve ever felt like infidelity shattered who

Feeling trapped between two impossible choices? Whether it’s staying in a relationship after betrayal or walking away, deciding whether to tell the full truth or keep things buried, or any other major life decision, binary thinking can make it seem like there are only two options, when, in reality, there are more. In this episode, I explore how black-and-white thinking limits your ability to make the best decision for your future, why your brain naturally defaults to false di

What if you could curate your thoughts like a bookshop owner curates their shelves? In this episode of After the Affair , I explore the power of intentional thinking using the metaphor of a bookshop. Your thoughts, like books, fill the shelves of your mind, but not all of them deserve to be displayed prominently. Some belong in the archives, while others should be highlighted as bestsellers. I’ll talk about how to manage your mental library after betrayal, replacing self-defe

Do you ever feel like the evidence for your worst fear after infidelity is everywhere? Whether it’s comments on social media or your own inner dialogue, it can feel impossible to escape the idea that you’ll never heal, your relationship is doomed, or you’re simply unworthy of love. But here’s the truth: what you’re experiencing isn’t reality, it’s confirmation bias . In this episode, I'm breaking down how confirmation bias works, how it keeps you stuck in cycles of fear and s

In this episode of After the Affair , we explore a powerful metaphor, the “glass wall.” It’s the invisible barrier that betrayed partners often build after infidelity. From the outside, it looks like openness and connection, but from the inside, it’s a shield, keeping you emotionally safe but painfully disconnected. I’ll unpack how these walls form, how they evolve from solid brick to deceptive glass, and the signs that you might still be behind one. Most importantly, I’ll di

In this heartfelt episode, we sit down with “Alan” and “Ann” (pseudonyms to protect their privacy) as they candidly share their ongoing journey of healing after infidelity in their 39-year marriage. Their story highlights the complexity of betrayal, the challenges of rebuilding trust, and the resilience required to hold space for one another amidst profound pain. This conversation is a powerful reminder that healing is rarely linear, but with vulnerability, honesty, and effo

What is it about an affair that feels so intoxicating? Is it the person, the connection, or is it something else entirely, like secrecy? In this episode, let’s dive into the psychology and physiology behind the passion that often accompanies infidelity. Discover how dopamine, adrenaline, and novelty create an addictive emotional cocktail, and why the thrill of secrecy can amplify feelings of desire. But here are the real questions: can secrecy breed passion, and can that sam

As we step into 2025, let’s take a moment to reflect on the lessons, insights, and transformative conversations that defined 2024. In this special New Year’s episode, we revisit 12 standout episodes of After the Affair, each one a pivotal moment in exploring healing, growth, and the complexities of relationships after betrayal. From redefining failure and rebuilding intimacy to challenging societal norms and understanding the emotional impact of anniversaries, this episode i

Christmas can be a season filled with joy and connection, but for anyone navigating betrayal, it can also bring sadness, loneliness, and longing for what once was. This episode offers a compassionate space to reflect on the challenges of the holiday season while exploring ways to create moments of peace, hope, and even new traditions. Whether you’re the betrayed partner, the unfaithful partner, or someone facing a Christmas that looks nothing like you imagined, this episode i

The internet can feel like a war zone when you’re looking for answers after betrayal. Whether you’re the betrayed partner or the unfaithful one, scrolling through the online comment section after infidelity can quickly amplify your fears, doubts, and pain. But those comments don’t define you. They reflect someone else’s pain, biases, and experiences, not your reality. In this episode, I’m diving into why we're drawn to online comments when we’re vulnerable, how they impact ou