41. The Aftermath - How to deal with Sudden Change

When your world changes without warning, through betrayal, heartbreak, or loss, it can feel like the ground has been ripped from beneath you. In this episode, I speak directly to that moment of chaos, offering a fresh and empowering perspective on how to navigate sudden life shifts with resilience and intention.

Rather than resisting change, embrace it as a pathway to healing and self-discovery. With powerful mindset shifts, practical tools, and real-life examples, you'll learn how to find your footing even when life feels anything but steady.

Key Takeaways:

• Why resistance to change often keeps you stuck in emotional pain

• How to reframe betrayal and other upheavals as catalysts for growth

• The role of progressive overload in emotional and psychological resilience

• How acceptance can unlock healing without dismissing your pain

• Practical self-care tips to rebuild strength, stability, and hope

💬 Reflection questions:

Have you experienced a sudden change that shook your world? What helped you move forward, or what’s holding you back now?

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com

• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke

• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

Episode Transcript:

The After The Affair podcast with me Luke Shillings is here to help you process, decide and move forward on purpose following infidelity. Together we'll explore what's required to rebuild trust not only in yourself but also with others. Whether you stay or leave I can help and no matter what your story there will be something here for you.

Let's go. Hello and welcome to episode number 41 of the After The Affair podcast with myself Luke Shillings. Let's talk about the unexpected, those sudden shifts that come out of nowhere, those blind sides that leave us feeling adrift and out of control.

When we have a sudden circumstance change in our lives that we didn't expect it's entirely normal to feel shaken to try and resist this upheaval, this turmoil and instead long for the comfort of familiarity and safety. But what if I told you that these moments of sudden change are not just roadblocks but signposts pointing you towards personal growth and self-discovery. Can you feel the possibility in that? Circumstances like infidelity are neutral.

It's our thoughts about these circumstances that create our feelings which then drive our actions and ultimately create our results. Let me say that again. Our thinking creates our feelings.

Our feelings drive our actions and our actions produce our results. Sudden changes while challenging are not inherently negative. Our thoughts about them shape our emotional and our behavioural responses.

So the question is can we view these abrupt shifts as opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery? Absolutely. As painful as they are they force us out of our comfort zones and make us question our beliefs and our values. They expose us to new perspectives pushing us to grow and evolve.

They are life's rigorous way of saying there's more in you so let's discover it. Think about it. Right now you're on a knife's edge of transformation.

This change, as hard as it is, could be the catalyst for a profound personal journey. So instead of feeling lost see this as an opportunity to find a new direction, a new purpose. And instead of feeling out of control see this as a chance to redefine what control means to you.

First understand this. Changes are a sun rising each day. They're as relentless as the passing of time itself.

So instead of fighting against them let's adjust our sails. We can choose to see these sudden changes not as disruptive forces but as life's way of asking us to grow, to stretch, to evolve. It's like when you're weight training.

Your muscles don't get stronger by lifting the same weight over and over. You have to increase the weight. This process has a name.

It's called progressive overload. It's the idea of gradually increasing the stress placed on your body during exercise over time. This could be through lifting heavier weights, running faster or longer, doing more repetitions of a particular exercise or reducing the rest time between sets.

You have to experience the discomfort of pushing beyond your current limits. Similarly, sudden changes in our circumstances are life's way of adding weight to the barbell. They challenge us but in doing so they also force us to grow stronger.

Resistance is a natural reaction, a protective mechanism. It's our mind's attempt to shield us from the pain. But here's the thing.

Resistance also keeps us stuck in that pain, trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts, feelings and actions. If we persist in thinking negatively about our circumstance, our feelings and our actions will reflect that and our results will be less than desirable. But if we shift our thoughts towards acceptance, we can change the whole trajectory of our emotional and behavioural responses or actions.

Acceptance does not mean condoning infidelity or disregarding your feelings. It's about acknowledging the reality of your situation without judgement and allowing yourself to process your emotions healthily. By accepting change we make space for healing and growth.

It's like stepping out of quicksand and onto solid ground. You're not dismissing the change but you're choosing not to let it immobilise you. Think about the energy you could reclaim if you stopped resisting.

How would that energy transform your healing process? I know it's easy to say and harder to do but remember you are a human with an extraordinary capacity for adaptability. You have survived every single change that life has thrown at you so far and each of those changes has played a role in shaping you into the person that you are today. Can you see it? Can you see how every change is an opportunity for self-discovery? You see, when we understand that our thoughts create our feelings and in times of change, particularly after an event like infidelity, we experience a storm of uncomfortable emotions.

Our natural reaction is to avoid these feelings, to push them away. But what if we flip the script? Instead of running from our discomfort, let's lean into it. Let's get curious about it.

After all, it's just a vibration in your body. It's not going to harm you. When we pay attention to our feelings, sit with them.

Understand how they feel in your body. By doing so we strip them of their power over us. We realise we're capable of experiencing these emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

This is not about wallowing in pain, but acknowledging. It's about understanding that emotions, even painful ones, are just part of the human experience. They don't define us.

They're simply feelings passing through us. By embracing discomfort, we take the first step towards healing. We tell ourselves this is uncomfortable and that's okay.

I can handle this. I can navigate through this. Embrace this uncertainty.

Welcome the discomfort and remember it's in the chaos of sudden changes that allow this growth to happen. You're not lost, but just on a new path. You're not out of control, but instead are being handed the reins of a new journey.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Let's talk about self-care. Dealing with sudden changes, particularly one as emotionally charged as infidelity, can be draining.

Self-care is your fuel in this journey. It's about nourishing your body, your mind, your spirit, eating healthily, regular physical activity, adequate sleep. These are non-negotiable, but also consider practises like journaling to process your thoughts and your feelings, do thought downloads, spending time in nature for peace and rejuvenation, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy.

I absolutely love woodworking and to go into the workshop and just have the tools in my hands and create something from my imagination and turn it into something real just passes the time. It distracts me from all of the other concerns and worries that are building up in my life at any given point. Having something like that in your life to really distract yourself from the current pains and discomfort that you're experiencing can be such a powerful way to just give yourself a break on your recovery journey.

Importantly, remember that it's okay to put your needs first. In fact, I actively encourage it. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

Tend to your own well-being before attempting to deal with any external circumstances. And there's one more thing. Don't forget your support networks.

As humans, we're just not meant to face life's challenges alone. Our support networks, our friends, family, therapists, coach, counsellor, support groups, they're all there to provide comfort, advice and perspective. Opening up about your experience might feel vulnerable, but it's also incredibly liberating.

Knowing that you're not alone in your struggle can provide immense relief. Plus, your support network can provide an outsider's perspective, helping you perhaps see the broader picture when you might be stuck within the details. Through embracing discomfort, taking care of yourself and leaning on your support network, you can navigate the aftermath of betrayal or, in fact, any sudden changes with ease and resilience.

Remember, you are not alone on this journey and you are stronger than you think. So, the next time life throws a curveball, remember it's not just a test, it's an opportunity. You've got this.

Breathe, adjust your sails and in the words of the Scorpions, let the winds of change, one of my favourite songs by the way, carry you towards your true potential. If you've been listening for a while and you understand many of the concepts and ideas that I talk about, you're listening to the podcast and as you're hearing the words, it's all making perfect sense and you're thinking of examples in your own life, how you're showing up in that way, yet for some reason you keep doing the same things over and over again, then I can help and here's how. Introducing the On Purpose Coaching Programme, the path to transforming your pain into empowerment by taking back control.

The On Purpose Coaching Programme is specifically designed to help you go from feeling paralysed by betrayal to feeling empowered and secure in your relationships. As someone who has already walked this journey, I understand your struggles and provide a customised coaching experience tailored to your unique situation. Don't let betrayal define you, take control of your life and regain your confidence.

Visit LifeCoachLuke.com today to learn more about the transformative On Purpose Coaching Programme. Plus, you can book a Let's Talk Discovery Call to explore how I can support you personally and don't forget to subscribe to receive the latest relationship tips and tricks in your email box once a week. Take the first step towards a stronger, more empowered you.

Visit LifeCoachLuke.com today and unlock your true potential. And that's everything I have for you today and I'd just like you to remember that the aftermath does not mean the end. In fact, it's often the beginning of a much better future.

So, in the meantime, have an amazing week and I'll talk to you next time.